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A friend of mine recently said that there’s never a right time to make huge life decisions. They sneak up on you and when they do you deal with them. "Oops, missed a period. To buy diapers I go."
Though I agree that being too calculating is never a good thing- no matter how much we plan, something is bound to end up differently than expected- I think that being conscious of your options so that you can make a rough sketch of your future is not a bad idea. Most of us have sat down at some point in our lives and mapped-out a time-plan: work for two years after college, then law school, then… It feels good to write down your thoughts. To feel structured. Being prepared can be an empowering thing. you want to have children before you’re thirty
In the majority of interviews that we’ve done for The Lattice Group, with both male and female college students and young professionals, the uniform answer has been that they want to have children before they’re thirty. That’s their basic plan. They might be surprised to hear that, with today’s standards for educated urban dwellers, that’s actually very early to begin procreating. A recent article in the Washington Post entitled, “Bringing up Babies, and Defying the Norms,” discusses “young” parents and how they’re dealing with being anomalies in their social circles. I say “young” because, in relation to the answers we’re getting in our interviews, they’re not exceptionally young at all. The parents featured in the Post article are between 27-30, and all of them have newborns or young toddlers. These are no Junos. In fact, according to the answers given by the people interviewed by The Lattice Group, they’re the “perfect” age to begin child-rearing. Yet, “Demographic data obtained by The Post indicate that in metro areas nationwide, including cities and suburbs, 13 percent of men and 31 percent of women ages 25 to 29 with four-year college degrees have had children, according to an analysis of 2000-06 social survey data from the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center.” the stats are against you
In other words, though you say you hope to have kids in your late twenties, the stats are against you. A woman we recently interviewed told us that the average age for first-time mothers at her NYC doctor’s office was 38. Another professional woman we interviewed said the average age for first-time mothers in her urban area was 39.
Why do people choose to have children later than they planned to when they were younger? Probably because, like my friend said, there’s no right time for a huge decision like that. Life sneaks up on you. In the form of graduate school studies, a high-power career, or a single life in the city. But then again, you may end up being one of the people that “defies the norm” by having a child in your mid- to late twenties. What are the pros and cons of having children early vs. having them late? One major issue is the conflict that arises when trying to balance work and family life. In other words, what happens to your career when you have kids? The young parents quoted in the Washington Post article claimed that, “an early start has given them a career edge. ‘By the time I'm at a point in my career where I am going to be making partner, my kids are going to be old enough to be playing on their own and sleeping on their own,’ said Erin Foley Lewis, 28, an associate at the law firm Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft who recently had twins. ‘If I had waited until 33 to have children, I'd have newborns at the time I would be up for partner.’"
Perhaps it is easier to get back into the workforce after parental leave when you’re in your late twenties than it is when you’re forty and already have started a serious ascension on the corporate ladder. If so, that may be something to consider the next time you sit down to map out a time-plan. What's with being a "former" something? I can’t help but notice that the majority of the young mothers quoted in the Post article were described as “a former congressional aide” or “a former systems analyst.” It gets us back to the basics: why is it still the woman that shoulders the brunt of the burden of childcare, and the career sacrifices that come with it? Why do we always talk about the price of motherhood when we should be talking about the challenges of parenthood? - Astri baby foot photo by Cataldo1977 on Flickr under Creative Commons License.
pregnant belly photo by MarkyBon on Flickr under Creative Commons License.
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