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"I find it hard to talk about my day-to-day routine without shaking my head and quietly crying (inside)." I don’t like talking about Investment Banking. It’s hard to describe this job without sounding engrossed in money - which is to say, without sounding like a complete ass. And my ability to opine eloquently and subjectively on my job is complicated by the fact that I find it hard to talk about my day-to-day routine without shaking my head and quietly crying (inside).
Ok, I’m being slightly dramatic (this is largely due to exhaustion). But in all seriousness, establishing some semblance of a life outside the office is hard at best, impossible in most cases. The hours are long, weekends are non-existent and vacations are routinely scrubbed due to last-minute client requests. Relationships are tough to maintain because it’s hard for our girlfriends to understand why the hell I had to cancel dinner for the third time this month and if I do it again then you’re going to dump me and start dating the barista at Starbucks because at least he knows what kind of coffee you like. Whatever. "if you are dating a banker and are some form of being other than raccoon, vampire or skunk, you’re never going to see us"
Fact of the matter is, if you are dating a banker and are some form of being other than raccoon, vampire or skunk, you’re never going to see us. If I get home at 9PM, that’s an early day.
It’s difficult to explain what a typical day in the life of an Investment Banking Analyst entails. The tasks themselves run the gamut from mundane status reports to complex projection models for M&A clients. But the thing is, there’s no visibility into when these tasks will pop up -- hence the unpredictability of Banking and the reason why I had to cancel a previously scheduled dinner (PS – I’m still really sorry about that, ok?).
Last year I was flying to the east coast for meetings once a week. That meant I worked a full day (9AM – 10PM), caught a red eye, got in at 6AM EST, went to meetings all day and arrived back in San Francisco at 10PM PST. Invariably, I’d check my messages upon landing and find out I was going to be stuck in the office till 3 or 4AM.
I think it’s things like this that lead Bankers to be, for lack of a better word, complete douche bags. I’ll be the first to admit it. We work hard, have money to blow, and many of us go out every night with a chip on our shoulder that says I work harder than you so don’t get in the way of my fucking Jaeger and Red Bull.
I hate Jaeger and Red Bull.
"And plus, your coke habit isn’t paying for itself. So you stay."
So given the stress and reputation of this job, why would anyone choose this lifestyle? Part of it is that the recruiters who sell dreams of Rolex’s and bespoke suits simply fail to accurately depict the demands of the job. The other part, and the reason why people stick around, is the bonus. The higher-ups know that employees need an incentive to stay, so they pay bonuses once a year that amount to more than the base salary. So let’s say you’re a new Analyst and after three months realize that, dude, my Associate just yelled at me for taking too long to print these books and it’s 4AM and I’ve been working for two days straight and I’m going as fast as I can so give me a fucking break and fuck this, it isn’t worth it anymore, I’m quitting.
But then you realize that you’ve already worked a quarter of the way towards the end of year bonus, which means you’re walking away from the $20K you’ve earned thus far. And plus, your coke habit isn’t paying for itself. So you stay.
At this point, I’ve stuck through Banking for three years and have managed to balance work and a social life. But there are a lot of trade-offs. I work from home all the time. I have to ask for Saturdays and Sundays off if I want to stray away from a computer. All the Red Bull I drink may be giving me cancer. And if my hair line recedes one more millimeter, I’m going to scalp John Stamos and use his follicles for hair plugs.
The benefits are awesome, of course. However, they are all, more or less, completely, utterly, unapologetically Gatsbian. The thing is, I just can’t think of a single thing I’d want to do more that would justify the pay cut.
"We graduated from good schools, got good jobs and have avoided Chlamydia (maybe)..."
Of course I’m envious of the intangibles that a less stressful job conveys. On the other hand, having ridiculous buying power is completely friggin’ awesome. But the thing is, no matter how many Michelin rated restaurants I eat at, or how relaxing flying first class is, I can’t honestly say whether or not this lifestyle is worth it. Some Bankers will argue that it’s all about putting in your time early, and reaping the rewards later. I’m not sure I buy that.
So in the end, I don’t know why exactly I’m driven to work so hard. Perhaps it’s because I view my life right now as a pissing contest with my college friends, and maybe even among peers that are my age. I have no idea how I measure up against my friends, so I figure that if I keep working harder and longer than others, then maybe that’s a good indicator that I’m coming out ahead in life.
…and oh my god, that sounds incredibly fucked up.
I think the point is, and forgive me for generalizing, that there are a lot of us (mid-20s kids) who have no fucking clue if we’re on the right track. We graduated from good schools, got good jobs and have avoided Chlamydia (maybe) – but are ultimately dissatisfied that this is THE ANSWER to the question of what in the world we’re supposed to do with our lives. So we keep working hard and trust that is enough to keep us ahead in life and on the right track. Whatever that track is.
- Sam G. Jeatz Illustration by Gustaf von Arbin |
