The Lattice Group - Opting Out... Of Russia

Opting Out... Of Russia

The Lattice Group is currently in Moscow, Russia, in order to see how the young think of working and living in the Eastern Motherland. Yesterday, we interviewed a Russian girl who is a student of Logistics at the Higher School of Economics. Let's call her Nadja.

Now, first off: the typical stereotype of Russian women is they are looking for a rich Western man to give them a plane-ticket out. This image, often not so kindly referred to as the "mail-order-bride" phenomenon, comes with the attitude of seeing Russian women as groomed sex objects to be used as trophies. The stereotype is certainly not to marry out in order to work; it is to marry into wealth and leisure. This stereotype is despicable, and not true, obviously. What's more, Nadja turned it on its head.

Nadja said, quite adamantly, that she doesn't want to marry a Russian man. She is actively looking for a Western European mate. Why? Because she wants to be with a man who puts family first and who respects her career ambitions. Opting out of the country in order not to have to opt out of the work-force? This is new.

Nadja reinforced something that we've already heard several times in the few days that we have been in Moscow: Russian men don't care about family. Nadja put it bluntly:

"Most Russian men want to marry early, already in university. They care about you for a couple of years, but when the children come they start working longer and longer and never come home. You are just someone to take care of everything and do everything for them. Serve them."

Nadja says that she wants a Western man because she wants to be with someone who sees their relationship as a partnership. Someone who will talk to her. Because, she says, " Russian men would rather go to a psychologist than talk to their wives about anything."

We're in deep Lattice water here. I was about to get all up in arms, ready to fight any Russian man who comes my way in order to knock some respect into them. But then Nadja turned the tables on herself. Despite the fact that she claims to want to run her own multi-national company in the future, she asserts that women are biologically made to be the primary caregivers and that women should stay home with their children until they are at least of school age. When we asked if maybe the father also has a caregiving role to play, she scrunched up her brow and said that the father's role is to provide- financially, that is.

OK, little lady. With that attitude she'd better stay far away from Northern European men. Those "Svens" are going to make a quick grab for her baby and demand their own right to parental leave with their pockets filled with baby bottles and pacifiers. Perhaps Nadja would do better with the likes of Sasha, the Russian consultant we interviewed. He claimed that women were not psychologically made for hard work and that it is the man's role to take care of her. She should work, but only to keep herself entertained. Making money isn't the woman's responsibility, and shouldn't be her goal. Like Nadja, Sasha calls on biological difference to define appropriate roles for men and women. Perhaps she shouldn't be so quick to opt out of the country after all.

- Astri

photo by Pikaluk on Flickr under Creative Commons License